Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You left your phone here
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