This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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