I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When are your genitals available?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize