Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
