I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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