I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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