you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I sprained my soul last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
