I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
