Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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