Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
