and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
