haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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