They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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