You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
