fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
