Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
