she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
