do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
