Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
