He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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