Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
