alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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