How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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