What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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