so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
