Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
