Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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