I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
