So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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