they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
