She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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