He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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