What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
