Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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