So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
