Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
