i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
