It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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