Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
