Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
