My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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