I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
