I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
