Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
