So drunk its hurt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
