I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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