This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize