she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Of course I have a pirate flag
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
