I'm going to jail i love you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My bed smells like the plague
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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