We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
