eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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