We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
