p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize