508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
