Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
