I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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