I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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