Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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