please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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