I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
