The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
