Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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