what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
