"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
