hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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