a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
