It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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