If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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