I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
