I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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