Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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