The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
