Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
