Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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