i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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