guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
