some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
