I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
