I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you inspire me to be a worse person
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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