I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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