We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
