WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The air taste purple.
Randomize
