So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
