my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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